Grandma’s Banana Bread

Now lemme say that again, Grandma’s banana bread…did you say it like Joey Tribiani? Because you’re supposed to!

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Look at that copy write! It’s as old as me!

Here are the ingredients:

  • 1/3 cup vegetable oil
  • 3 large bananas <– Mash these dudes up good! And make sure they’re ripe as fuuuu, like full of black dots ripe
  • 1/3 teaspoon of vanilla <– Use that Dominican kind…because it’s the best
  • 3 eggs (aka pre-birds)
  • 2 1/3 cups of Bisquick baking mix
  • 1 cup of sugar
  • 1/2 cups of chopped nuts

Preheat oven to 350

Step 1) Grease up a loaf pan, like straight up full of grease

Step 2) Stir in all the ingredients in a pan until moistened (….you ever notice how many people hate the word “moist?” Like where did that come from? It’s like all of a sudden everyone agreed that moist is a gross word. Why? Moist is like the fancy version of wet)

Step 3) Beat vigorously….like it owes you money

Step 4) Bake for about an hour or until you’re hungry

Here’s what the finish product should look like:

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Artist’s rendition

3 cavities

3 cavities

recipe: grandma. But I think she's lying, there's clearly a copy write by General Mills on the card!
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The “I can’t believe it’s NOT an OREO” Recipe

Are you guys sitting down? If not please do so. I’ll wait……ok, good. What I’m going to share with you will knock your socks off! Are you wearing shoes? I think you should take them off, so as to keep them from ripping a hole from where your socks knocked out of…I’ll wait……ok, good. What I have here is a recipe for, what tastes JUST LIKE OREOS!

Ready?

Here’s what you’ll need:

  • 1 bag of Oreos
  • 1 butter knife

Proceed to scratch off the logo from the Oreo using the butter knife. That’s it! Serve these up at your next formal dinner party. Your guests will be blown away by how similar these taste to the real thing!

3 cavities

3 cavities

recipe: me...ok I lied. I saw it on an episode of Murphy Brown...the one where Murphy is trying to get her son into a pre-school and needs to impress the admissions person with something home-baked, so she gets Miles to buy her cookies to pawn off as her own, he gets oreos and then they're left scrambling to scratch off the logo

Pro Life tip:

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Poke the cream filling of the Oreo with a fork. Now dunk away.

This allows the Oreo to get extra soggy (remember, wait for all the bubbles to stop) while still allow them to go into your mouth-hole in one piece.

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Long-lost peanut butter cookie recipe

Some years back I had baked up a batch of the best peanut butter cookies. Like legitimately good. Like the god’s handed a recipe down to mortals good. Unfortunately I’ve lost this recipe 😦 And I’m afraid that I’ll never have that recipe again…

Anyways, here’s a recipe that I THINK comes close

Here are the ingredients:

  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup butter
  • 1/2 cup peanut butter (I only use the Skippy brand (extra chunky), because screw Peter Pan, and screw JIF!)
  • 1 egg
  • 1.25 cup flour
  • 3/4 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking powder (Today I learned that baking powder is baking soda with cream of tartar (which isn’t the same as tartar sauce))
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt

Step 1) Beat the butter until creamy

Step 2) Add the sugars & beat for like 2 minutes. 

Step 3) Mix in the peanut butter and egg. 

Step 4) Mix in all the dry ingredients (flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt.) (You may now proceed to eat some of the batter….at this point baking it might just be a waste of time…precious, precious cookie batter eating time)

Step 5) Wrap dough in plastic and refrigerate at least 3 hours. (I’ve never done this step; don’t waste your time; eat some more cookie batter)

*** Preheat oven to 300°F *** (This is pretty much one of the most important steps, unless you’ve eaten up all the cookie batter, then you can pretty much stop here)

Step 6) Shape dough into balls and flatten into a criss-cross pattern (It’s the criss-cross pattern that unlocks the secret flavor) on a cookie sheet.

Step 7) Bake for about 15 minutes. 

4 cavitites

4 cavities

recipe: http://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/peanut_butter_cookies/
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Cookie butter cookies

If cookie’s in the name twice you know these cookies are the ISH! And they are!

Initially this recipe called for peanut butter, buuuuut I’ve gone ahead and substituted peanut butter for Trader Joe’s Cookie Butter (they even have a FaceBook fan page)!

Here are the ingredients:

  • 1/3 cup of unsalted butter, softened
  • 1 cup of brown sugar
  • 2 eggs, room temperature
  • 1/2 cup creamy peanut butter Trader Joe’s Cookie Butter (awwww yeah!)
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1 cup of flour
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 3 cups of old fashioned oats
  • 1 cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips (I used some fancy dark chocolate with sea salt, because I’m fancy)

Step 1) Preheat your oven to 350 and line a cookie sheet with parchment paper. 

Step 2) Beat butter (...say this 3 times fast) and dark brown sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer until light and fluffy. (I was surprised just how fluffy it got!)

Step 3) Add the peanut butter cookie butter and beat on lower speed until all incorporated. (Did you taste some of the cookie butter yet? You should have by now. If not, can I recommend you use your fingers as a cookie-butter-to-mouth delivery system?)

Step 4) Add the eggs, one at the time, beating until combined. Beat in the vanilla extract as well.

Step 5) On low speed, sift in the flour, baking soda and salt, mix until all incorporated.

Step 6) Add the old fashioned oats and mix it on low speed as well, until just combined. (If you have yet to taste the batter I feel sorry for you son)

Step 7) Fold in the chocolate chips. (Pssst, start licking your fingers, it’ll make the next step easier)

Step 8) Scoop the cookies onto a cookie sheet, shape the cookies and bake for 9 12 minutes. (My system goes, one ball sheet, another ball mouth. Caution, you’ll yield about half as much finished cookies)

5 cavities

5 cavities

recipe: http://willcookforsmiles.com/2013/11/peanut-butter-chocolate-chip-oatmeal-cookies.html
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Oreo Cookie Balls!

Now after watching that, there’s no way you WOULDN’T wanna make this dessert!

Here are the ingredients:

  • 1 bag of oreos (buy 2 because you’re probobally gonna eat most of them)
  • 1 box of Phillidelphia cream cheese
  • 4 boxes of bakers chocolate (I chose 2x semi-sweet and 2x white chocolate)

Step 1) Mash up all the ores

Step 2) Smoosh the cream cheese into the oreo mash

Step 3) Make ‘lil balls

(Optional) Refrigerate your balls for about 15 minutes (you can eat some oreos while you wait)

Step 4) Dip the balls in your melted baker’s chocolate (oh wait, did I forget to tell you to melt the baker’s chocolate? Because you should have done that already. Whoops! That’s on me guys). Go ahead and melt the chocolate if you haven’t done so already. Cut up the chocolate brick into small pieces and then put it in a microwave-safe bowl. Microwave it for about 2-3 minutes, stopping every minute to stir.

Step 5) Freeze them until COOKIE BALL TIME!

4 cavitites

4 cavities

recipe: http://www.kraftrecipes.com/recipes/oreo-cookie-balls-126799.aspx

Does anyone else remember Big Stuf Oreos? 

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